Unemployment: A Survivor’s Testimony

Hi, my name is Adina Yael. (Insert firm handshake). I am (insert excessively long executive-president-director  job title). Nice to meet you. (Insert larger-than-life forced grin). What do you do? (Insert inquisitive glare and single eyebrow raise).

Since I’ve been back from Israel and am beginning to tread the daunting waters of the “real world,” people have been constantly asking me what I do. I tell them that I do a lot of things: I read, I write music, I cook, I go for walks, I play guitar, and so forth. That is what I do, after all. I know that this question actually refers to what I do for a living, but I like to make a joke of it to avoid having to say that I am not currently making a living. What should I say, “Nothing, I’m unemployed”? Now I know that it’s not something I need to be embarrassed about, especially considering the current state of the economy and job market. Additionally, I have still been back for a pretty short time, and most of the jobs I’m looking for don’t start until late summer or fall anyway, so the process is slow. But sometimes I can’t help feeling directionless, uncertain, and anxious about my future.

When I start to feel like this, I am reminded of something that Rabbi Ruth Gan Kagan, spiritual leader of Jerusalem-based Renewal congregation, Nava Tehila, taught during a workshop I attended in December. She spoke about how during the week you are a human doing, and on Shabbat, the one day of the week that you are commanded not to work, you are a human being. You get to tap into your true nature and just be. But rather than only on Shabbat, I have to remind myself constantly that what I do is NOT who I am. We talk about our jobs as if they define our entire existence, and often times in our society, they do. “I’m a Lawyer.” “I’m a Writer.” “I’m a Potato Chip Inspector.” So what does that make me? A nobody?

Although sometimes I feel like the world is going to cave in on me if I don’t find a job really soon, being unemployed doesn’t mean that my life is meaningless. Would you cease to be if your job, your car, your house, and all of the things that falsely define your success were taken away from you? Perhaps this is why we hear so many stories about mid-life crises and, dare I say, even quarter-life crises. We want to feel important and successful, and in our society, those things are often measured by external elements of our lives.

As I’m on the verge of this next exciting but terrifying chapter of my life where every decision I make seems so critical, I need to focus on the essence of who I am. My time off (“unemployment” sounds like such a dirty word) has been a blessing in disguise. It’s forced me to really learn about and be comfortable with who I am. I don’t have a job to define myself by, so I have to cultivate the other things that make me who I am. I’ve had the chance to get into an exercise routine and healthy diet, read, work on music, learn new things, and do things I’ve always wanted to do but never really had the chance. I’ve gotten to catch up with old friends, make new ones, spend time with my family, try new restaurants, and meditate on the beach. Obviously we need to make a living to support ourselves and we can’t just go through our entire lives “finding ourselves,” because probably the only place we’d find ourselves is deep in debt. The thing is, though, that unemployment sends many of us into not only a financial crisis, but an existential crisis as well . I know not everyone gets the chance to take time off and that I’m very lucky to have supportive parents and a place to live rent-free until I figure out the next step. Rather than stressing out about not having a job, I am making the most of the time I have to work on myself, which I think is so important and probably what I really need right now. I’ve learned to feel okay being by myself and actually enjoy my own company. I’m learning to really love myself, not because I make a lot of money or because I have a prestigious job, but because of who I innately am and what I have to offer the world.

There is a well-known Yiddish proverb that goes like this: “Mentsch tracht, Gott lacht,” or in English, “Man plans, God laughs.” It can be very frustrating not knowing where you’re going, but what matters is that you make the best of where you are. I know that soon enough the right job will come through, and when that happens, it will not define me. I won’t live to work because I will have already built a strong internal foundation. My work should, God willing, enhance what I already am and allow me to share that in some way.